Childish!
by write-letters
Summary: The Doctor lands the TARDIS on a planet which isn't keen on humanoids. Story told in conversation.


"Where are we going today, Time Boy?"

"Wait and see."

"You know I hate surprises!"

"But Donna, surprises are fun!"

"Not for me, they aren't."

"Maybe if you gave them a chance…"

"Of course I gave them a chance, Dumbo. What did you think, I just randomly decided- "

"Alright! Alright! I get it."

"Clearly you don't, Time Boy."

"Okay, I don't actually know where we're going."

"You set the coordinates to random, didn't you?"

"Yep."

"You're stepping out first."

"Fine, but don't think you're going to stay in here."

"'Course not. Why would I want to miss getting captured and killed by some weirdo aliens?"

"Oi! That doesn't always happen!"

"Twenty times out of ten, Spaceman."

"Whatever, you just want to hide behind me because I'm a superior spec- OW!"

"Serves you right, Spaceman."

"Donna, was that really necessary?"

"It shut you up, didn't it?"

"Well… Depends, I mean, it did for a few seconds after the 'OW', but- "

"Are we just going to stand here and listen to you prattle all day?"

"It's never day inside the TARDIS. Nor night, for that matter."

"Right, I'm going to shove you out of those blasted doors in 3… 2…"

"I'm going! I'm going!"

"That's what I thought, Martian."

"Oh, it's so beautiful out here!"

"Yeah, and flipping hot too."

"It's tropical! Donna? Donna, where are y- that was quick."

"I don't want to get sunburnt, do I?"

"Can I have some sunscreen?"

"Do you need any? I haven't got enough for you. I thought, since you are a superior species and- "

"Donna! I still need sunscreen!"

"I know, I was joking. Here."

"Can you do my back?"

"No."

"Worth a try, I s'pose."

"Come on then, slowpoke, let's explore!"

"As I recall it, I'm the one who always has to grab your hand while running, meaning that I am the faster one out of the two of us- Donna? Donna wait- "

"AAARGH!"

"I really think you should- Oh. Wasn't your fault."

"LET ME GO!"

"You see, Donna, I don't think humanoids are welcome here. Oi, don't glare at me like that!"

"I figured that one out on my own, Time Boy."

"So, we should be free to go in 3 days?"

"No."

"What do you mean 'no'?"

"I mean NO. We're getting out now. Where's your sonic screwdriver?"

"I- I- Um. I- "

"Do not tell me you don't have it."

"Oh, no, I have it. Just not on me right now."

"Doctor!"

"Hm?"

"Don't you 'hm' me."

"Sorry."

"Looking meek isn't going to get us out of here, you stupid Martian."

"I'm not from Mars."

"And don't try to change the subject."

"Fine. But you've got to admit that I'm good at it."

"Yeah. No! Don't side-track me. Why don't you have your bloody sonic?"

"I'm wearing swimming trunks, in case you didn't notice."

"What?"

"I'm wearing swimming tru- "

"Yeah, thanks, I got that. I meant why?"

"Did you really not notice?"

"I. Asked. You. A. Question."

"Right. Yes. The lake! The lovely, cool, blue lake."

"Don't talk about cool lakes in here, Doctor, it's boiling!"

"But you asked!"

"I know."

"You're annoying."

"Oh yeah, I'm the one who landed us here illegally. Sorry."

"That's better. Hey! That comment did not deserve a smack!"

"That's for me to decide."

"Hmph."

"I hate this cell."

"It's far too small."

"I can feel you sweat, this is disgusting. Get away from me!"

"What, you don't want a hug?"

"I swear to god, Doctor, one day…."

"One day what?"

"Don't you look so innocent!"

"By the way, in response to your previous comment, I, one, have nowhere to go, and two, you can't possibly 'feel me sweat'. Now, you could feel _my _sweat and that would make perfect sen- "

"Can too feel you sweat."

"Childish."

"What, reduced to one word comebacks eh? The great and wonderful, legendary Time Lord."

"Shut up."

"Don't like space sweat."

"It's normal sweat!"

"You can't fool me, Martian."

"You, Donna Noble, are impossible. And don't smile so sweetly at me, because that was, under no circumstances, a compliment."

"Like you'd know a compliment."

"Are you implying that I don't get many compliments?"

"Of course not. I'm implying that you don't get _any_ compliments."

"What!"

"You're pouting!"

"Am not."

"Now who's being childish?"

"You."

"You know, for a 900 year old, you sure are good at behaving like a toddler."

"That was insulting! Are we going to spend 72 hours bickering?"

"What else is there to do?"

"With you? Eh. Nothing really."

"OI!"

"What? Have you got any suggestions?"

"You could try being nice."

"Excuse me? Me? Not nice?"

"You heard me, Time Boy."

"I tried to hug you and you pushed me away! Into a wall!"

"Oh, allow me to apologise."

"That would be nice. Thanks."

"I wasn't actually apologising! Do you understand sarcasm?"

"Yes."

"Don't give me those big sad eyes."

"I'm not."

"Don't pout."

"I'm not."

"You're 900."

"I'm not."

"Oh, come here you. If I pass out, it's your fault and- Oi! Not so tight!"

"I have a respiratory bypass system."

"And I don't."

"Stops you from talking during a hug."

"Did I mention I hate that smug face of yo- Hey! I said not so tight!"


End file.
